Over 15 million Americans suffer from depressive
illnesses. Nearly two-thirds of depressed people do not get
appropriate treatment because they do not recognize the symptoms, blame
their personal weaknesses, are misdiagnosed or are too disabled to obtain
help. These illnesses cause great pain to their victims, often disrupting
the lives of families and friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I relate an experience from visiting a friend
on a recent trip:
I lay with my husband in another couple’s bed. It is Saturday night and my girlfriend of 20 years is downstairs taking a lengthy shower. She, making a bed for herself on the couch, has given up her marital bed to us for the night. Her husband will not be coming home.
Tonight, for the first time, she has told us that her husband of four years has been unfaithful to her. More than once.
The reality of this bed of marital discord descends like a thick fog upon me. I conceive that the extended shower is needed to wash more than a day’s activities away. I try to sleep, but my thoughts are on my friend and the strange situation surrounding the bed I’m in.
Earlier that day, in my friend’s car, on our way to the Twin Cities, she told me that he had needed too many assurances from her. He, a surgeon, singer and woodworker, lacked confidence in his abilities.
Once we arrived at her loft, she confessed that he had been moody and angered easily. Having moved out and in the process of a divorce, he won’t give her his set of keys. Facing her in the faintly lighted dwelling, I said I was concerned about this long and narrow corridor leading into her loft. She nodded and said he had her blocked in it once, refusing to release his grip on her arm.
My heart began a slow descent into a dark void.
He had undermined my dear friend’s self-esteem and now I was seeing the
unmistakable glint of tears in her eyes. Tears, I had so rarely seen in
this woman’s eyes. I heard myself choke, barely audible, "He did
this to my friend."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Undeniably, this story is not isolated.
Nor has what happened to my friend occurred in a vacuum, because we are
all touched by it in some way.
His wife has now been able to fit all the pieces together. His family has recently admitted that he has a mental illness--bipolar disorder. She could have used this information four-plus years ago, but his family had thought he was better, so they didn’t say anything about it to her.
Sadly, like my friend, there are many individuals who are spouses or relatives of a manic-depressive who are unaware of all the medical and historical facts. At the courthouse where I volunteer, I see many women who either know or suspect their abuser is bipolar or otherwise mentally ill. Often compounded with the problem, in an attempt to self-medicate, is substance abuse. Their common reaction seems to be fear. But underlying the fear is most likely helplessness.
Mental illness is in no way an excuse for, nor the sole cause of, domestic discord. But I do predict increases in diagnoses and treatment are possible, in part, because of public awareness. To be informed and self-educated takes effort and time on all our parts.
When we suspect or have the knowledge that someone may have a mental illness, we owe it to them, their families, our families, ourselves and our community to share this knowledge.
Correct diagnoses by the medical field, initiated by our own individual efforts, can create a credibility that will snowball, enhancing existing tools for domestic strife and family conflict resolution. Collectively, creatively and with persistence, we can increase our knowledge base, improve mental health treatment, expand mental health awareness in the health care industry, prison systems and the corporate, legal, political and educational environments.
Resources and information on mental illness:
http://www.coil.com/~grohol/
gopher://zippy.nimh.nih.gov
http://www.frii.com/~parrot/oldnews.htm
http://www.sojourn.com/~cyberdoc
http://www.mindspring.com/~hugman/pendulum
http://www.nami.org
http://www.psych.helsinki.fi/~janne/asdfaq/50.html
NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill)
200 N. Glebe Road, Suite 1015
Arlington, VA 22203-3754
1-800-950-NAMI (Helpline)
703/524-7600 (Business)
MDDA (Manic-Depressive And Depressive Association)
P.O. Box 132
Dearborn, MI 48121
810/557-5773 (leave messages only)
National DMDA
1-800-826-3632
(Information regarding manic depression and depression)
Oakland County Probate Court
Mental Health Unit
810/858-0260
(For Information about the Petition for Hospitalization/Order
for Exam)
(October)